Heart Warrior: Smile And Maybe Tomorrow.

My name is Paul, and I am a Heart Warrior. 

I’ve always found a beautiful smile attractive. Sometimes they can illuminate a room even brighter than an actual light. It can make the heart race, in some cases, it has caused me arrhythmia's. It can make someone relax, and at ease, and it can make someone nervous and uncomfortable. There is nothing like a beaming smile, accompanied by a good set of dimples, full cheeks and some over zealous eyes to frame it. My sons Teddy and George and my better half Lucy have incredible smiles. 

Teddy has Thor like blue eyes, Thor like chiseled jaw, Thor like rippling blond locks. Basically my son is a young Thor. He’s also huge for his age, has my broad shoulders and will be an absolute babe man beast when he is older. His smile though, could stop arguments, wars, bring us all into fits of giggles. Why? Its genuine. When Thor, sorry, Teddy is happy he could light up even the darkest parts of our universe. 

George has a more sinister Loki-esque smile. I have witnessed some wonderful smiles in my short stint on this planet, and others? Well, not so much. 

The day my Doctor told me I was in Heart Failure, that my blood results indicated that my body was giving off signs that it was slowly caving in on itself and failing. After he told me I nodded, as I usually do when comedic timing fails me, he just looked at me and smiled. Not like a beaming I’ve just won the lottery smile, but a grin, a whimsical pity filled grin. 

I grinned back. A plan was put in place for more tests and I said goodbye and left the room. I realised as I closed the door behind me that we had both been smiling at each other with an almost ‘stuck grin’ for like 5 minutes. My face hurt. I got to reception, passed the piece of paper to the receptionist. 

Guess what? She grinned at me, and I was still there with my hooker, locked jaw smile. 

WHY IS EVERYONE SMILING AT ME? WHY AM I SMILING YOU ABSOLUTE PLONKER? 

This was terrible news. I’d never see Liverpool win the league, have children, a life, sex without dying during. 

There are many ways to defend yourself. Swords, shields, being agile. I don’t have any of those, but I do have my coat of arms, my humour.  Humour is my ultimate defence mechanism and it has literally kept me sane for a very long time. Ok, maybe sane is a stretch. Let's just say, safe enough to be amongst society and look after children. 

My brother once said to me that, ‘He doesn’t want to be around when the laughter runs out.’ 

Maybe it will run out one day, but.. 

That's going to be one hell of a night out. 

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile when your heart is breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

Until next time...